Cars Opinions: Just Like Assholes!

I decide to put up my reviews of each and every scrap of Cars I collect while I'm collecting. What the hell. I'm bored.

THE CARS

GOOD TIMES ROLL: The opening to what I feel is the Cars finest album, their first. Well, I take that back, it's their finest with real drums. Good Times Roll seems to be tired here in Y2K. Runs a little slow, I usually skip it. Goes on and on..let the Goooood Tiiiiimes Rooooolllll.

MY BEST FRIEND'S GIRL: Now we're talking. The album starts to heat up with the harmony on the chorus, and several elements that set you up by saying "We're the Goddamn Cars, and you will listen to this album!" Always one of my favorites.

JUST WHAT I NEEDED: Let's face it, this was the right track to break the band because when it was released, it sounded like nothing and everything and most important, it wasn't disco. The synth line in this tune is in my head, and is one of the most memorable. It's "Devo" and "Kraftwerk" level. (Aww come on! We all know the lines from "Whip It" and "Trans Europe Express" by heart right?)

I'M IN TOUCH WITH YOUR WORLD: Now that I have exposed myself as a shameless Devo fan, I try to think if this song compares to Devo's first album. This was STRANGE to the stoned disconauts of the late 70's and I like it. Ric Ocasek giving us a preview of his solo stuff.

DON'T CHA STOP: This is a needless song, and they have it mixed strange because it always sounds flat to my ears, more like the stuff on Panorama. Of course, car radios in 1978 were a single speaker in a Chevette, so it must have sounded good. Sure this song shows the sense of humor the Cars have, but so what? This is Rock-N-Roll dammit! I do like the drum beat though. Right?

YOU'RE ALL I'VE GOT TONIGHT: I can't stand it. The Cars have too many damn good songs on this album. How did they do it? A few years of preparing? Playing these tunes over and over? This song hits hard, the lyrics make you feel hopeless, yet it plays in my head over and over. You're all I got tonight? If this was the only album I got tonight, I could live with it.

BYE BYE LOVE: Being from Cleveland, I thought this song was the hottest hit single from the Cars. Surprise! Album track only! Over and over, for years, this song would be played on the album rock stations, and I never got tired of it. In fact, other than the overload of "Drive" maybe, I don't think any Cars song bugged me with radio airplay. The version on the Cars Special Edition puts a different light on this song, they toned it for the album a bit, it should have been more raucous like the demo, but what do I know?. I'm no Roy Thomas Baker.

MOVING IN STEREO: Hands down, bar none, absolutely, positively my favorite Cars track. It got heavy air in Cleveland, and is one of the few Cars tracks I still hear Classic Rock stations playing. (Seems they don't like the New Wave flavors on "Classic Rock" stations. Which makes why they picked this song even more baffling.) Maybe it's the drums, maybe it's the repeating synth, maybe it's the buildup of sounds towards the end of the track, it's still manages to take air out of my lungs. A beautiful song.

ALL MIXED UP: I like it when a band wraps up an album with just the right song. Paint a picture with an album, run the listener through scenes and emotions and wrap it all up. This track hits that mark. It's Ric Ocasek lyrics at their finest.

CANDY-O

Any album with a picture of one of the band members with a lollipop in his mouth, puts me off right away. Of course, you get the air-brushed nipple queen on the front cover to offset Mr. Lolly Orr. Then again, who gives a fuck about the album graphics, what's in the music? Read on! I should also mention that I purchased the HDCD version, and yes, the sound quality and mix is excellent!

LET'S GO: Here is what the Cars are going to sound like on the big hit album. Here is what the Cars sounded like on the first album. This is the right mix. This is the Cars.

SINCE I HAD YOU: I think all about AOR and Top 40 in 1979 and figure this song for tracking right there. This could have been a hit. A good mix of quirky guitar on the fringes of the sound stage and a catchy hook and harmonies. Ahh, the sex of it all.

IT'S ALL I CAN DO: This song seems like simple pop candy to me, even if it isn't. Maybe it's the "Tshick" high hats.

DOUBLE LIFE: Everybody SAMBA! I just love that cheesy drum machine sound. This song seems to be there, doing it's best to rock or something. I like it in strange ways, but it seems to be a mere connector on this album. Connect to what? Read on.

SHOO BE DOO: "Hey Roy, move over while I play with the mixer okay?" Well, I like strange interludes, and this one screams "Ric Ocasek Solo Career: Line One!" If it didn't start under Double Life, making a very odd transition, I'd like it more. Still, it's spacy, sounds very strange in the middle of all these straight forward tunes, so bonus points go to Ric. The ending makes up for the beginning. Cold endings into new songs are cool.

CANDY-O: I was trying to figure out a way to say, "I can't figure out anything bad to say on this song". So, screw it. Good tune.

NIGHT SPOTS: Having known this song only from the demo on the Anthology, I was knocked back and unsettled and whatever. This song is thick with those nice analog synths that I go on about. It's got a healthy dose of Devo and Thomas Dolby with Cars juice. Hard tune with synths to lighten the mood. (Geeze does that sound canned!) More important VOCODER! Cars with VOCODERS!

YOU CAN'T HOLD ON TOO LONG: This song has a great Cars intro. Sounds like another song I've heard before, then goes into the usual suspects. Is every song on this album so tight like this? MORE VOCODER!

LUST FOR KICKS: Another oddball Ric Ocasek song. Strange pacing, strange synth picks, and those funny lyrics. I could swear I remember this one getting airplay in Cleveland, mainly because the title sounded very familiar. Pure fun here. I love the "In-your-face-snobby" piano flourish up the scale at the end of the tune. Is there anything I can say bad about this album other than "Kojack with hair" on the back cover?

GOT A LOT ON MY HEAD: One of my faves from the Anthology. Natch, same here.

DANGEROUS TYPE: This one takes a long time to wind down, but what do I care, I enjoy the ride. The ringing synth "bells" around the ending wrap up the song and the album just right.

SHIT! Look at that pussy review I just gave Candy-O! To hear me talk, you'd think it has become my favorite Cars album. How about this? In 1979, this music was way ahead of it's time. The album takes everything I like about the Cars and puts them in a document so good that my only real gripe is with back cover lollipops! Petty at best. Most songs sound like the first album, some have Panorama mixed in, and of course, Heartbeat City shows it's head. In fact, you could put Let's Go on Heartbeat City and would never question it's age. Brav-O!

PANORAMA

All I read about this album said it was dark. Ugly. Not Cars like at all. Fans who reviewed this thing for Amazooon.flop said it's really a good album. Well, they can't be wrong can they? Surely this is Ric Ocasek's best work right? This should have been the huge multi-platinum over-the-top monster mega-hit that Ric's Solo album "Quick Change World" was. (Is there a copy of that disc that isn't a cut-out?) SO, when I finally found a store that had Panorama, I bought it.

I start by saying, the audio is really strange. Now, there is likely a remastered version of this album out there, but I noticed it on the Anthology too, this album has some really strange mixing. (Actually, the Anthology songs sound more open, so they ARE remastered. It appears I have purchased the older issue on CD likely made from a vinyl master tape.) Vocals all warped out, sounds too loud, processing set for stun. Is this the darkness everyone was speaking about? I also saw reviews that said this album really grows on you. Damned if they weren't right. In my earlier version of this website, I condemned the album after the first four songs, but each and every track seems to become something MORE than many of the other songs in the Cars catalog.

After several listens, still hearing the sound of my cruddy CD version, I sat down to listen to this album through headphones, and THAT turned the majority of my opinions around! There are so many layers and sounds in these songs that hearing it through loudspeakers is like mixing a fine single malt scotch with Coke! I like my Cars music generally LOUD, through car or home speakers. Most people I know like it the same way. Perhaps this "headphone" phenomenon is the reason this album wasn't as well received as it could have been! I've decided to ADD to my original (somewhat negative) reviews of these songs with an additional "TTP" (Through The Phones) review. Perhaps your perspective will change as mine did.

Is this a body of work that deserves a HUGE praise? Is this a document by a band daring enough to release a departure from their trademark sound in the face of an evil record company trying to push a zillion units? Shit I don't know. Leave me alone. I'm just enjoying all the sounds in the headphones..

PANORAMA: This is very punk. I almost want to grow back my mohawk, get a nice sneer on my face and piss on the queen. Why does this song sound like it was run through the analog echo on my cheap mixing board at home? The synth flourishes all around the outside of the song's narrow bandwidth hook me. "I think we need just a little more synth high hat on this track..." (TTP) : Towards the end when both sides of the stereo are hitting all those notes with the synth flourishes all about, it's analog delight.

TOUCH AND GO: It's about all they could find for pop radio. Disco was dying. Blondie was making rap music mainstream. "Flock Of Nimrods" was in the wings. Hey! There's Sting looking for his last name in the dip! It's Police meet the Cars and beat them over the head while saying "Uh Oh Oh". Hey, I like the Police, so I like this song. (TTP:) Not much difference.

GIMMIE SOME SLACK: It's the beat from Whip It! It's rolling guitars! There's that voice again! Is that Ric Or Ben? I don't know. Seems there's lyrics here! Ohh, now it sounds punk! Actually, points given for the vocals. (TTP:) No difference.

DON'T TELL ME NO: "It's my PAR-DEE." . To quote Zappa "These chords are really ugly. I like these chords." I think I like this track better now that I have the album...well, that's mainly because my used copy of the anthology always skips at the end. Huzzah! (TTP:) The guitars have more grit to them.

GETTING THROUGH: At last! A non-anthology track. It starts hot, sounds like a 50's tune. That's punk right? Is it me, or is this whole song squeezed through so much processing that it sounds like an elephant humping a poodle? Then there's the LOUD analog synth pukes in the middle! The track is fun, if it wasn't for the odd mixing that's muddier than Jerry Lewis's breast implants. (Dan Rather eat your heart out.) (TTP:) Here's the song that really opened my ears on the phones. The above description appears to be for a totally different song! Synth in one ear, guitars more present, vocals less muddy (although there is some mung on the end likely from 1980 era processing) . I LOVE this track on phones.

MISFIT KID: Welcome Ric Ocasek, to the album of misfit songs. Nobody wanted these poor songs, so they sit in the catalog, all lonely, except for gullible die-hards like me who also bought your solo stuff hoping for another glimpse of the Ocasek greatness. This is an odd, slow song that is sucked into the vortex of muddy sound. Maybe I have CD Rot on my copy. (TTP:) Vocals easier to hear, but still seems muffled.

DOWN BOYS: Greg Hawkes Incarnate. This song starts off with a nice "Theramin" sounding sorta horror-flick sorta spooky sorta, aww forget it. This is a great track. The drums, the backbeat throw in, the little flourishes of analog squeaky and Ben Orr's vocal performance. This should have been a hit. (TTP:) About five times BETTER! The interplay between the guitars and the synths in the stereo image paint a great track. It also sounds like this song was a blast to record.

YOU WEAR THOSE EYES: Everybody SAMBA! Did the beginning of this song come off the "drum" pattern on a Lowry organ? This track is the most like "I'm In Touch With Your World" only not as fun. (TTP:) Seems to be more interesting because the stereo image adds a lot more "story" of the song

RUNNING TO YOU: Doesn't it make you sick when a reviewer says "This is my favorite track on the album." Start puking. I'll start with the mix again. Bring up the synths, make the vocals less "present" and processed, get the guitars out of processor mung and for gosh sakes, and why the overpowering Syndrum Toms at the beginning? I'm being too picky now. This now is at the top of my Cars favorites. Dark, haunting synth parts and great breaks. The sound though... was Roy Thomas Baker asleep during this album? (TTP:) To answer my question, NO! He was likely listening to the mix through some expensive Sennheisers and helped Ric achieve such a phenomenal tapestry. THEN, they had to mix it for vinyl and 8-track. This song alone makes me want to buy the remastered disc. So much music in this track on headphones including the small synth sound during the lyric "I'm doin' what I like to do..." Why wasn't this a hit? Too dark for 1980?

UP AND DOWN: I can warm and fuzzy about any songs that starts with a crunchy analog synth line like this. Then, the music seems to chug like a train, doing it's best to end the album. The little song that could. (I think I can be Platinum..I think I can be Platinum...) Still, it's grown on me every time I have heard it. (TTP:) I like it even more.

So this album may not have been what the masses wanted, but it's truly a gem. Devo had it's "Duty Now For The Future" that wasn't a big seller but is a fan favorite. This is the Cars "Duty Now" . Every listen I seem to appreciate this album more. Since there is so much lead guitar, so many synth flourishes, so much bass in the mix, different, inventive drum kicks, could this be the album that Ric Ocasek gave to the whole band? Maybe Ric started with basic ideas and lyrics, but let the whole band contribute the outcome of the songs more than on any other release? Dunno. 3M TA3

SHAKE IT UP

Plain and simple, this was the comeback album. The Cars had passed most of the casual fans by with Panorama, they needed something to come back with. This album does it with future good, retro past and a stinker.

SINCE YOU'RE GONE: A light hearted heavy handed, who really cares. Basic cars, nothing special.

SHAKE IT UP: This is the track that re-awoke the Cars career. Very poppy and a good tune. Starts to sound like Heartbeat City.

I'M NOT THE ONE: Second fave song on this album. It really is ahead of it's time, so much ahead that the label released it as a single at the same time of Tonight She Comes. The Cars really show they've got their chops back. Should have been a hit when the album came out.

VICTIM OF LOVE: Ugh! This is a "C" side at best. Skip it. Useless poop.

CRUISER: This sounds like a "B" side. It's okay, but something that should have been left to die with outtakes from Candy-O

A DREAM AWAY: If there is any song really not a Cars track, this is it. Long and drawn out, slow and morbid. This is DEFINITELY solo material for Ric. Bad solo material at that. Take this one and move it to Door To Door. Better yet, skip the track. One good thing, there's a cheetah walking high.

THIS COULD BE LOVE: Just when I think there is no solos left in the world, WOW! This is Greg Hawkes! He gets a solo! It's GREAT! The song is only so-so, but his solo cranks! Maybe cut out the whole thing and just have a solo.

THINK IT OVER: Another song that sounds like something Devo would do. Right off of the New Traditionalists album. Not so good for the Cars.

MAYBE BABY: Be my, Be my, Be my Maybe Ending. This is a good wrap up for the album. Sounds a little like Panorama era, but otherwise a good tune.

HEARTBEAT CITY

I actually dreaded buying this album. It seemed the anthology had just about everything covered, and since I prefer the sound of the earlier Cars...I thought I'd have no surprises here. I was wrong.

HELLO AGAIN: Probably my favorite track on this album because the lyrics seem to fit a chunk of my life. It sets the stage again like "My Best Friend's Girl" did for "The Cars" except this time is says "We're the CARS and this time we got the MUTTSTER driving us NUTS for 8 MONTHS and you WILL BE IMPRESSED!" I also dig the breakdown in the center. When I first heard the song on the radio, I said "What The Hell?" Avante-Garde for top 40! Yazooo.

LOOKING FOR LOVE: I can't figure out if the line "Come On Lover, Make A Switch" is a reference to changing the channel or changing the album when this song comes on. Actually, once past that sappiness, I LOVE the chorus and I sing along with this track every time.

MAGIC: UH OH IT'S SELLING! Least favorite track on this album, and destined to be heard every fricken summer. Is anybody else with me here? Sugar water has a name and it's this song. Never before has "Dink Dink Dink Dink Dink Dink Dink" been so overplayed.

DRIVE: This was the track I LOVED by the Cars. Why? The summer this came out, a friend of mine and myself were sneaking out and joyriding our parent's cars in the middle of the night. Therefore this song somehow became an anthem. What the fuck, lifeless fifteen year olds all jacked up on gasoline and cheeseburgers. In retrospect, since I have heard it soooo much, it usually gets a track skip on the CD player. Ben Orr R.I.P.

STRANGER EYES: Remember those surprises I mentioned? This was one of them. Chorus strikes me each time. Another classic Cars dark and ugly song with happiness! Thanks Ric you bastard. The synth lines here stick with me, including the little ramp-up synth before going into the chorus that sounds like the beginning of a Photon lasertag game.

YOU MIGHT THINK: Okay fuck it. Nothing to say here. Great song, great video. I'm allowed at least one on this website aren't I? ( I didn't know "Kept" could be pronounced without the "T".)

IT'S NOT THE NIGHT: Sucker For Synths: The Sequel! Greg Hawkes had a hand in the co-author of this song. Pick the funkiest synth sequence on a Cars album and you'll usually find the co-written track. Into and bridge are worth the price of admission for the wonderful sequencing. This song could have been better if it didn't break into the center with the straight-ahead drum beat. Ben Orr just ripped into the vocals in the studio. This could have been his 100th take of the day, his voice sounds roached, and it makes it gritty and powerful.

WHY CAN'T I HAVE YOU: While I'm not a fan of the slower Cars songs, I think this one does well. The Muttster getting all that production in place and those vocals and whiny synths. Strip this one down however and stick it on an Ocasek solo album, I may have liked it even more.

I REFUSE: This is the best demo left off of Devo's New Traditionalists album. I mean, if Gerry Casale walked into the Cars studio and organized the Cars in a Devo-Esque song... Hey, you can't fault the boys, they were all cutting edge, and using the same "new-fast-automatic-way-too-expensive-synth-junk" at the same time. I swear the drums and synth sounds just like Devo's Love Without Anger (You know, the video where Barbie and Ken get in a great big fight?)

HEARTBEAT CITY: It's over? Why the hell did this song end up on "The Cars Greatest Hits"? The fake seagulls are worth the price of admission. Score another for Hawkes. A perfect wrap-up song for an album that pretty much defined pop and music video in 1984.

DOOR TO DOOR

Here it is. The Cars last album. Remember how everybody bitched? They said It just plain sucked. They said, "man, this is no Heartbeat City."

They said, "what the hell is wrong with these guys? Didn't they learn from Panorama that you have to have HIT songs. Yeah! They're easy to write! Ric Ocasek can do that!" That's what they said, and well, they weren't 100% correct, but they had valid points.

I'll admit that when I was growing up, I was NOT a Cars fan. I liked them, I enjoyed the songs, but I didn't follow them or get their albums. I did enjoy the videos and got to see them all on MTV as they rolled out. I really didn't have a clue what they were doing by the time Door To Door came out. I was off commercial radio by then, with a friend introducing me to Devo, Kraftwerk, Zappa, Ministry, REVCO and other diversions. No more "Knee Deep In The Hoopla is the SHIT" for this boy. In a roundabout way I got a copy of Door To Door on tape, and I couldn't listen to it. There was no "Drive" There was no "You Might Think" and there was no "Tonight She Comes" It seemed bland. Then I saw the appearance they made on SNL. They played "Strap Me In" It was the first time I'd ever seen them playing live. I'd only known the videos. So, the live performance seemed bland and out of wind. I didn't know the Cars were close to breaking up, and it looked to me like that was the case. They were going to shut the lights off after SNL and go home. Gee, guess I was right. SO, when I started getting into the Cars here in 2001 more than I have ever been, what happens? I find a sealed copy of Door To Door on vinyl at a cheapo closeout place. (Actually they had about 50 copies of it. They bought out the back room of a warehouse for a record chain that had a fire in it's warehouse or something...) I knew what to expect only from the websites that said "It's just not good" or "Overlooked, but there is some good..." Turns out, overall, I like the album and have played it more than Heartbeat City just because I haven't heard the songs as much. Still, I am going to rant here, and on every song, you'll hear me whining about the drum machine. WHY WITH THE DRUM MACHINE???? Here's my asshole again!

LEAVE OR STAY: Jeezus! I had the Anthology for about four years before I got this album, and well, I LOVE the produced version of this song compared to the demo. The Synths are brilliant, and it seems more evolved than Heartbeat Cities's "Dink Dink Dink Dink Dink Dink" repetitive synth lines. I dislike the drum machine though, if only they could have done all the production and used LIVE drums. Ahh, but in 1987, it was all synth, except for the hair on the radio.

YOU ARE THE GIRL: If there is a pop puker in the Cars catalog, this is it. Granted, I enjoy the synth lines here again, but the vocals sounding like they are coming from a cup, and that horrid fakey echo. Ric should have left the vocals more up-front. Not a bad song, but seems soooo determined to be accessible 80's radio.

DOUBLE TROUBLE: Hard rock my ass. This song comes out of my butt like a turd and I want to flush it fast so that it can't grow legs and attack. A song that wants to do good, yet falls into dirge like Good Times Roll did. (That I even made that comparison is insane. What the hell do I know? Nothing. Why not search for beer or something on the web rather than wasting your time with my babbling.)

(OH DEAR GOD SAVE US FROM) FINE LINE: Of everything in the Cars catalog, if I had to pick the lowest moment, it would be found here. Slow, repetitive, uninteresting, moaning, make it stop! I pity the poor bastards that bought this on vinyl or tape because they couldn't program it OUT. Stunningly bad decision from Ric who was maybe trying for another DRIVE? Okay, so it's not awful, but GEEZE. If I had bought this album in the late 80's I'd have tossed it out the window after this song assuming the rest of the album would have no redeeming value. (Actually, I didn't buy the album back then, but I DID have that reaction to the free copy I got.)

EVERYTHING YOU SAY: Cars Go HEEHAW. "Hey Ric, what are you doing in our corn field?" "Leave me alone you hick, can't you see I'm bangin' Paulina over here?" This song grew on me. I 've gotten used to it's upbeat rockabilly splendor. It should have been bigger than Sheniah.

TA TA WAYO WAYO: Yeah, I liked the demo (on the anthology) better. This song didn't need all the extra production, and the drum machine should have been dropped off a building.

STRAP ME IN: Sweet daddy, this is the only song I had remembered since I saw it played on SNL. I don't think it got much radio airplay because it seemed new to me on SNL. I used to make fun of it, saying how awful the Cars had gotten near the end. NOW that I'm looking at them with some objectivity, this is the second best song on the album and mixed Heartbeat's sound with the first album's guitar prominence and lyrics. Agggh if only for a REAL drum track.

COMING UP YOU: It's bubblegum. Chew it, enjoy it, spit it out or swallow it. Nothing less, nothing more. Happy Cars music for happy Cars people. "Boop boop boop beep beep beep beep" (I love Greg Hawkes, he's a synth god.)

WOUND UP ON YOU: This is a deep and very solid track. I think I like it more than the other Cars slow tracks because the synths are the percussion and don't distract from a the melodic tune. I can't help thinking this would have been better suited on a Ric Ocasek solo effort though. Acoustic guitars. NYZE.

GO AWAY: This song is cruel to me. Why? I think it's GREAT. It's got the lyrics and the production, and the great harmonies in the chorus, it leaves one question open. "Why Don't We Go Away.. TO WHERE? Dammit, it sounds like there should be more lyric content there in the chorus. After the third repeat in the chorus, the synth goes for a few bars leaving what seems to me, a gaping lyrical black hole. Is this perhaps something Ric wrote and decided to remove for one reason or another? Perhaps the lyric was "Why don't we go away and get stoned to the BEJEEZUS BELT? Or "Why Don't We Go Away so I don't have to fucking tour with these ornery sons of bitches anymore?" The ending flourishes of synth however, make up for things right? I'm a sucker for synth.

DOOR TO DOOR: The final song in the Cars catalog. The end. Nothing more to see here. Such a good song stuck to such a bad drum track. Maybe the Cars broke up because the Drum Machine decided to quit the group! Ta Ta Wayo Wayo to the Cars. You guys fucking rule! *lighter*

That's it. My Cars opinions. Goodnight. RETURN TO FINALCOM